"When every breath leads to murder​.​.​.​"


  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $5 USD  or more




This is a collection of rock/industrial/electronic songs I wrote under the name 99dOLLARdIVORCE about 8 years ago. They're thick with sound and meaning... I was going through some pretty hard times, searching for God and his church when I wrote them. Here's what I wrote about it back then... in 2004.

"When every breath leads to murder...

Nearly a year ago I read this phrase in the opening paragraphs of The Rebel by Albert Camus. I had been working on a different project at the time, but the phrase haunted me and stayed with me. The phrase refers to interconnectedness, the fact that everything we say and do, every action, is a catalyst for life or death. I applied this to my spiritual journey. The struggles that I have wrestled with over and over in the past 5 years of my life; the death of both parents, loss of deep friendships, being homeless, getting married, becoming a father. A lot has been going on in my life as of late."

The reality is that this album is my testimony. Some of those close to me may take objection to this music... but the truth is, every song of these 15
tracks (12 plus 3 bonus) was a prayer: a desperate cry for help. I couldn't function at the time... I was a mess.

God answered every single one of these prayers. Each song was a plea to God for something more than the pathetic lives that we lead... that I was leading, and literally every single query of God has been answered in full.

I love my life. I don't look back.

Some of these songs I do find pretty fun to crank up. I was pretty angry and desperate when I wrote these.

If you find solace in them, please take a listen to some of my other music and take a look at my blog. I'd love to show you what God's given me.


released October 26, 2004

John Robert Cullimore



all rights reserved


The Longing Selmer, Tennessee

The Longing is music by John and Yvonne Cullimore.

We seek to bring music that will connect with you both in sound and poetry, melding loops and beats with hammered dulcimer, 12-string guitar and layers of vocals and harmonies.

More importantly is that we enjoy our music, and can use them for worship and prayer. We certainly do hope and pray that you can do the same.
... more

contact / help

Contact The Longing

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: 2864212
Track Name: The Tangent Universe
Track Name: An Ode to St. Frank
Will we burn for asking all these questions
Because we need You to be much more than a name in a book
or a slogan on our cash
this rash is spreading and it burns so bad that we can't sleep anymore
the pain just won't subside by following a man in a suit and tie

This silence is so loud it's making us numb
we have accepted this tyranny for far too long
we've wasted all of our years
on petty fears
barely alive
take up your crosses
the church will be reborn tonight

The children are begging in the streets
screaming and terrified of the christ they've seen
a christ that turns his back on empty stomachs
turns his back on the troubled mind
a christ that fights for the rights of the unborn
but turns his back on the dying

Something's contradicting here
are you a God of freedom
or a God of fear?
I see two men on the cross
a god of war
and the lamb of my salvation

Walk into the streets and strip yourself down to the bone
let the rain fall down and wash away all the lies you have known
lay naked in the grass
this is your church
your sanctuary
the God of life is crying
"Live your life in peace"
Track Name: Contemplation
Track Name: Burn!
coming soon
Track Name: Suicide Nation
Keep your finger on the trigger
Keep your thumb on the little man

Entertain myself until I die (it keeps me breathing)
40 hours a week to live a lie

Raise your hands if you're suicidal

Keep your finger on the trigger
Keep your thumb on the little man

Anything to sit on my ass all day
Anything to make everyone just go away

Raise your hands if you're suicidal

I'm not part of humanity
I'm not part of society
Don't give a damn about anything
I'm an upstanding citizen of planet me
an upstanding citizen of planet me
Track Name: The Fight of My Life
No one can touch me here
no one can see or hear me
staring in the eyes of my true self

Do I hate what I see
Is this bitterness or vanity
Have I ever looked so close at all the things that make me me
Track Name: We Believe in Pain
We're waiting and watching the skies for any movement up there
It's been so long since we believed in anything
We believe in the liquor in our veins
The cuts in our skin
We believe in pain

We'd love to touch the face of God
But right now we'd settle for the hem of his robes

Show us something more than just this selfish life
Breathe into our lungs
Make us feel again

Our religion is skin deep
Sitting in the church pews Sunday after Sunday
Reduced to cheap cliches and posters on the wall
Give me something more than this
Make us feel again

(Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest)
Track Name: Sin
You woke the same today as you always do
You know what you believe and you should follow through
Running away from who you are
Running away from all you could be

And all the money in this whole world won't save you from yourself
All the pride in this whole world won't save you from yourself

Tear it down (come on and be who you are)

Reach across to the mirror and touch your hand
Look yourself in the eye, see how you stand
"I am less than me
I am less than I was created to be"

And all the money in this whole world won't save you from yourself
All the pride in this whole world won't save you from yourself

Tear it down (come on and be who you are)